US Election

Looking at the us election, i gotta say, gen x y z should not complain much when their voting attendance is at around 20% of the total voters.

If they really want to have a say in their future, just go to vote and not whine when the results don't favour them like brexit.

Choices

If given a choice of money position vs quality of life, what would your choice be?

I would love the position and the money if it's good, but the price is the quality of life and your own safety?

Will it be worth it? Didn't expect it to be this hard to choose.

Gratitude

What is gratitude? Gratitude is knowing to return a favour that someone else gave you.

6 months of my time in return of 20 over years of love, the 6 months is nothing comparable to that!

Wished I could do better too !

What makes me happy?

To be able to answer that, I need to know what is happiness?

I have no answer to that.

State of Chaos

The same old thing has been bugging me for quite a long time, I don't know why I just can't seem to get my head over it and move on.

I couldn't be so selfish to my future partner. I don't think I'll ever be whole again, waiting, longing and hoping for someone that is clearly not giving me a fuck.

Yet I still wish that I can have it. That is the worst thing that could ever happen. So dear future partner, I only wish that I am whole and complete. I cannot be so selfish going into a relationship without being me.

Unless you are my future partner. You are the worst and the best thing that could ever happen to me and my uninteresting life.

Live on in memories

The sands of time cannot be stopped whether you will it or not. Our time together a year ago was really a great experience to me. For without you, I won't be where I am today.

I do cherish the time we had together, the good and the bad ones. We were really an item. I really gave my everything for you without ever giving a thought about myself, you taught me how to give without hoping for a return.

I really thought we could go the distance, we could last, hoping we could grow together, me with my ego and you with your temperament. Alas, fate has a bad part to play on us, but I hope that we could be better even though we are apart.

The sad truth is our path might not cross anymore but I do wish that you will be better. I will never forget someone like you, thank you for being part of my life even for a while. You are something, don't ever give up on yourself and you will be more successful than you thought you could be.

Negativity is very bad and I know you tried very hard to do better, I'm sorry I can't guide you through but I do hope that you are still trying. Learn to love yourself and those around you more. Family and friends are there for you, don't be too calculative and you will realize that you will get more in return from whatever you gave out.

The times we had will definitely live on in my memories.

Sincerely,
Princess

p/s1 Cow Cow will be better than ever! Don't give up!

p/s2 I do remember you.

Don't do this

I am better than I am, I am in control and I won't give in!

Home Leave

I always thought that I will never be home sick as I'm so used to being away from home and being independent. This home leave that lasted 10 days gave me a taste of what I have thought I would not mind giving up. It was so awesome that words cannot describe what I felt past 10 days.

First is the people I've met, new friends, family and you! thanks for being so awesome that you guys reminded me what is the fuss about being home. Thanks for being there for me when I was at my worst! I feel awesome once again!

Second is the good food and laughter that comes along. Never thought that eating could be this fun! All the food taste better with laughter! Malaysia is truly a food paradise and I'm proud to be a Malaysian!

Third is the alcohol and the parties that I had! Holy shit! From super duper hyped to drunk to hangover the next day basically 50% of my break? I got a problem, I'm an party animal! Best part is my awesome newly met bunch is planning for rave soon even before this break is over!

You messed up my life but I think my life would be fucked up without you around. All these while I'm still waiting for you, hoping for a miracle to happen, wishing my prayers answered by whoever that is up there. I keep counting down the days we meet again and wished that we could have more moments together, always. I'll really miss you like crazy!

Marriage

Attended a close friend's wedding recently and realized that I want something like that too.

The promise of eternal love is not really realistic but perhaps, live one lifetime together as best as you could with her would be a better promise.

I really hope that I could find the one that I could really love to bits. I just can't seem to find someone to cherish my love.

I've seen so many couples that I seldom see one without the other amongst my friends, would I ever meet you? or are you around me that I am too blind to see?

Fate might be playing a very bad joke on me.

One for the world to see and another for the ones closest to your heart

I have two faces, one for the world to see and another for those closest to my heart.  I will always get into a relationship when I am ready because I believe that if I really love you enough, I should give my best in loving you.

Nothing else is sufficient than the best of me. So even if I love you enough but I'm not ready to be in a relationship, I'll get myself ready, as I always believed, what is meant to be will be, if our paths would cross and align together, our hands and heart would be one.

Even if you gone into loving someone else while I'm recuperating, healing, I will hope that you are happy with your new found love and be happy for you.

A saint I might be, but that's from the bottom of my heart.

Always stay true and stay real!  Good night!

明白所以放手

也许我没跟你说清楚, 我放手的原因并不是因为我放弃, 而是我明白你要的我给不到。

日后如果我真的能做到也已经太迟了。我不可以那么自私的把你占有,让你等让你期待我做不到。

我宁可自己默默的去忍受去度过我人生最差落的一段, 也不要把你带进我的这一段人生低潮。

你原意我也承受不了, 也许这就是我吧? 我并没有刻意的去把你推开, 只是要你给自己更多的选择, 我不是你想像的那么好。

我觉得我到最后应该是自己一个人生活的。所以应该没差吧, 不过还是对不起。

希望你可以找到一个比我好的, 错过你也会是我人生中的其中一个很错的选择, 我不知道,只知道你过得很好就可以了。

Memories

There will always be someone that no matter how or what you do, you just can't seem to get that someone out of your mind, things you used to do with them long ago, end up being the things that you hate to do now, not because you don't enjoy it, but you don't enjoy the trip down to memory lane. This fucking sucks ! heh!

Possibilities

Your achievements are only limited by your own believe in which as long as you believe that you can do it, you can achieve the impossible.

The possibilities are limitless if you really put your heart and soul to it. If you don't know how to do it, learn from someone who knows, learn how to do it and even just try to do it and learn it along the way while you are failing.

These are parts of my thought and my learning process. People who really knows me will think that I'm overconfident but I'm actually not. I do have my own struggles but why show the worse part of yourself for the world to see?

Why not do your best and hope that you get something from it? when it is my best and vehemently believe that it will turn out good?

I got nothing to lose.

Comfort Zone

Being in our comfort zone gives us the sense of security. This feeling is great for the moment but it will be our undoing. We get too comfortable to make changes that might or might not improve our lives.

Stay stagnant is bad because we are depriving ourselves the chance to do better, so stay away from your comfort zone and you will increase your own value.

I am always the odd one out, choosing things that are my weakness so that I will eventually learn to do better, thus improving myself. Bad at dealing with people, chose a management job after graduation to improve myself. Poor time management, end up managing the working schedule of a project. These are the little things I get to learn when I'm not at my comfort zone.

I never want to be average, I don't do average, I only do my fucking best and if I don't know how, I'll learn how to do it myself.

That's all for tonight.

Relationship

I do not know what vibe I emit but then I know what quality I want in my partner, but to be able to choose, I need to have things that I could offer and things that are valuable to my partner too.

My view of relationship is simple, a relationship is a bonus, it adds value to your life and gives you a glimpse of what your future might hold if you have such person in your life with you. If that is a burden, where you are constantly feeling the need to compromise every time and the need to sacrifice all the things that you are doing all these while, that is babysitting. A relationship is like a bonus to your life, you are good when you are alone but you will be better when you are with your partner.

I am no guru in relationship issues but I had my fair share of good and bad relationships. Every time I vow not to make the same mistakes that I did in my past relationships, every time I promise myself to do better in the coming ones and hoping that this would be my last and there will be a happy ending to it as I do my fucking best in every single one of my relationship.

I hope that I could get someone that shares my view in life and walk the never ending road together with me.

I am never mad at my exes for the bad endings, I sincerely hope and wish that they do well in life, I do hope that we learnt something from our journey of life together even if it was for a part of my life. 

to my future partner wherever or whoever you might be,here is a promise, I promise I will make you my priority and never an option. 

lkm: I don't know where I stand, but I hope one day our paths would be one. 

Update

It has been years since I last blogged so bear with me.

On career 

The most significant change in my life was the new company I am with currently, I finally able to have a bit of passion when I work not some mindless drone waking up daily for work that pays the bill but not living the life I thought I could have. The downside is that I am very very far away from home! I miss you guys back home, god this feeling sucks!

On relationship. 

I am currently single. Been through an 8 month long heart wrecking relationship before I decided, I really do not need anymore drama on a daily basis, perhaps I really did grow up and know that what I wanted all these while was some matured relationship. She's a great girl with loads of potential, that I am pretty fucking sure of, hence me trying to guide her along the way hoping that one day my effort would have an effect on her attitude. Attitude is the main bulk of one's character, the way one see and react to the situation is important as there is a saying attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference - Winston Churchill, I believe the quote is from him. I do hope that one day when we meet each other, we would grow into a better person. I might not be the best partner but I do try my very best, sorry that it didn't work out the way we wanted. 

On lifestyle

I am still reading a lot of books, to catch up the lack of reading for the past few months due to some priorities, now that it is over, I guess I have time for more books. Gaming was a big part of my life that I gave up due to priorities, but I guess now my game is investment and income more than PC games but that money game is not as productive as I would like. Occasional liver damaging activities during the weekends, casual drinking during weekdays, the alcoholic in me is still there. Working out once in a while to maintain my body shape is also one thing that I would like to do but lacks the motivation to really make it a habit. 

On mental well being aka note to self

I might be a bit insane talking to myself sometimes but oh well, who reads this? Me!
- Relationship is a bonus, your happiness does not depend only on the other half, you are in charge of your own happiness too. 
- Quick to listen, slow to speak!
- save before spending(mustfuckingdoitadrianhoyoonaun)

Oh well, I guess that is all for today.

Gone were the days where we could just sit down and do nothing and still have food on the table but being an adult has it perks too. You get to be in charge of your life.