明白所以放手

也许我没跟你说清楚, 我放手的原因并不是因为我放弃, 而是我明白你要的我给不到。

日后如果我真的能做到也已经太迟了。我不可以那么自私的把你占有,让你等让你期待我做不到。

我宁可自己默默的去忍受去度过我人生最差落的一段, 也不要把你带进我的这一段人生低潮。

你原意我也承受不了, 也许这就是我吧? 我并没有刻意的去把你推开, 只是要你给自己更多的选择, 我不是你想像的那么好。

我觉得我到最后应该是自己一个人生活的。所以应该没差吧, 不过还是对不起。

希望你可以找到一个比我好的, 错过你也会是我人生中的其中一个很错的选择, 我不知道,只知道你过得很好就可以了。

Memories

There will always be someone that no matter how or what you do, you just can't seem to get that someone out of your mind, things you used to do with them long ago, end up being the things that you hate to do now, not because you don't enjoy it, but you don't enjoy the trip down to memory lane. This fucking sucks ! heh!

Possibilities

Your achievements are only limited by your own believe in which as long as you believe that you can do it, you can achieve the impossible.

The possibilities are limitless if you really put your heart and soul to it. If you don't know how to do it, learn from someone who knows, learn how to do it and even just try to do it and learn it along the way while you are failing.

These are parts of my thought and my learning process. People who really knows me will think that I'm overconfident but I'm actually not. I do have my own struggles but why show the worse part of yourself for the world to see?

Why not do your best and hope that you get something from it? when it is my best and vehemently believe that it will turn out good?

I got nothing to lose.

Comfort Zone

Being in our comfort zone gives us the sense of security. This feeling is great for the moment but it will be our undoing. We get too comfortable to make changes that might or might not improve our lives.

Stay stagnant is bad because we are depriving ourselves the chance to do better, so stay away from your comfort zone and you will increase your own value.

I am always the odd one out, choosing things that are my weakness so that I will eventually learn to do better, thus improving myself. Bad at dealing with people, chose a management job after graduation to improve myself. Poor time management, end up managing the working schedule of a project. These are the little things I get to learn when I'm not at my comfort zone.

I never want to be average, I don't do average, I only do my fucking best and if I don't know how, I'll learn how to do it myself.

That's all for tonight.

Relationship

I do not know what vibe I emit but then I know what quality I want in my partner, but to be able to choose, I need to have things that I could offer and things that are valuable to my partner too.

My view of relationship is simple, a relationship is a bonus, it adds value to your life and gives you a glimpse of what your future might hold if you have such person in your life with you. If that is a burden, where you are constantly feeling the need to compromise every time and the need to sacrifice all the things that you are doing all these while, that is babysitting. A relationship is like a bonus to your life, you are good when you are alone but you will be better when you are with your partner.

I am no guru in relationship issues but I had my fair share of good and bad relationships. Every time I vow not to make the same mistakes that I did in my past relationships, every time I promise myself to do better in the coming ones and hoping that this would be my last and there will be a happy ending to it as I do my fucking best in every single one of my relationship.

I hope that I could get someone that shares my view in life and walk the never ending road together with me.

I am never mad at my exes for the bad endings, I sincerely hope and wish that they do well in life, I do hope that we learnt something from our journey of life together even if it was for a part of my life. 

to my future partner wherever or whoever you might be,here is a promise, I promise I will make you my priority and never an option. 

lkm: I don't know where I stand, but I hope one day our paths would be one. 

Update

It has been years since I last blogged so bear with me.

On career 

The most significant change in my life was the new company I am with currently, I finally able to have a bit of passion when I work not some mindless drone waking up daily for work that pays the bill but not living the life I thought I could have. The downside is that I am very very far away from home! I miss you guys back home, god this feeling sucks!

On relationship. 

I am currently single. Been through an 8 month long heart wrecking relationship before I decided, I really do not need anymore drama on a daily basis, perhaps I really did grow up and know that what I wanted all these while was some matured relationship. She's a great girl with loads of potential, that I am pretty fucking sure of, hence me trying to guide her along the way hoping that one day my effort would have an effect on her attitude. Attitude is the main bulk of one's character, the way one see and react to the situation is important as there is a saying attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference - Winston Churchill, I believe the quote is from him. I do hope that one day when we meet each other, we would grow into a better person. I might not be the best partner but I do try my very best, sorry that it didn't work out the way we wanted. 

On lifestyle

I am still reading a lot of books, to catch up the lack of reading for the past few months due to some priorities, now that it is over, I guess I have time for more books. Gaming was a big part of my life that I gave up due to priorities, but I guess now my game is investment and income more than PC games but that money game is not as productive as I would like. Occasional liver damaging activities during the weekends, casual drinking during weekdays, the alcoholic in me is still there. Working out once in a while to maintain my body shape is also one thing that I would like to do but lacks the motivation to really make it a habit. 

On mental well being aka note to self

I might be a bit insane talking to myself sometimes but oh well, who reads this? Me!
- Relationship is a bonus, your happiness does not depend only on the other half, you are in charge of your own happiness too. 
- Quick to listen, slow to speak!
- save before spending(mustfuckingdoitadrianhoyoonaun)

Oh well, I guess that is all for today.

Gone were the days where we could just sit down and do nothing and still have food on the table but being an adult has it perks too. You get to be in charge of your life.

Reality Check

33.33% of the year gone, that's fast! Let's do a reality check, of the few new year resolutions I have made, how many I've achieved? None. Brush up Adrian, brush up! Please be good 2014!